A Proposal
by GorgeousMorning
Summary: How did James Potter propose to Lily Evans? The story has been told and re-told countless times, but i hope that its never been quite like this. Awkard!Remus, Clueless!Sirius, Annoyed!Lily, and Hopeless!James. What more could you want?


**A Proposal **

"How many days d'you reckon it'll take my Lily-Flower to forgive our Prongsie?"

"I'd say… A week, Padfoot." Remus sighed exasperatedly.

"And how much money d'you reckon our Prongsie is wasting?"

"Well, I wouldn't say wasting, but over a hundred galleons, if you don't count the ring." Remus answered dutifully. Sirius wagged his finger, and then tapped the side of his head.

"Always include the ring, my dear Moony. Most expensive part, you see."

"You do know that it sounds kind of, slightly, well, you know, when you say that…" Remus trailed off, reddening visibly. Sirius grinned at Remus's discomfort.

"Say what, exactly?"

Remus tried to fight back the blush that was deepening. "The whole _dear _thing. It's a bit, well people, _other _people might think…"

Sirius was enjoying this too much. "They might think what?"

"You know what I mean Sirius!" Remus spluttered, now completely red in the face and Sirius smirked that annoying smirk of his, full of false charm. "I don't, actually."

"Oh you are such a—People will think that you are _gay _and that _we_," he pointed at the pair of them dramatically, "Are together. As in _couple _together." He finished, shifting uncomfortably. Sirius laughed out loud and patted Remus on the back.

"I knew what you meant, Moony. You didn't have to get so worked up about it!" he said, and Remus narrowed his eyes in irritation, brushing Sirius's arm off.

"You are such a child."

"Am not!"

"Yes you are, you're a bloody animal!"

Sirius raised his eyebrows, "Well, _technically—_

"Don't even finish that sentence, Padfoot. We are not here to bicker, we're here to keep watch for Lily's arrival."

"_Keep watch for Lily's arrival, oh la di da da…" _

Remus grit his teeth together and forced his mouth to stay clamped shut. He would _not _justify Sirius's sarcasm with a retort. _He would not_.

"Moony you look sort of demented, your eyes are kind of popping out… Are you talking to yourself?"

"NO I BLOODY WELL AM NOT!" Remus shouted, even though he had been. "Now will you _please _turn around and keep watch? Lily will be here any—Oh bloody hell Padfoot, we've missed her!"

That got Sirius's attention and he pivoted on his heel to catch a flash of Lily Evans's red hair going into the restaurant. "No, no, no, no, _no…" _

"Call him!" yelled Remus, grabbing onto Sirius's arm.

"What do you mean, _call him_? I'm a wizard, not a muggle!"

Remus's eyes were popping insanely, and he dug his nails into Sirius's arm. "Call him with that bloody mirror, you barmy obtuse pillock!"

"No need to swear in an incomprehensible way, Moony dear."

"I AM NOT YOUR DEAR!"

An old lady looked over at them from her seat on the bench across the street. She shook her head and then made the 'god-save-us' sign.

"Oh, that was bloody rude of her!" muttered Sirius, flipping the bird at the old lady who gasped in shock. Remus paled.

"You can't do that to old ladies you berk!"

"But she's a rude old hag!"

Remus hit Sirius on the arm and then turned to the old lady. "I'm sorry about my friend, he has no sense of decency! He didn't mean to offend you, I'm sure you can forgive him." He shouted to the old lady who looked aghast that Remus was talking to her and promptly stood up, adjusted her jacket, and walked away. Remus turned back around.

"Sirius, leave it. It's not like you _are _homosexual."

"It doesn't matter that I'm not a poof, Moony. She's full of bollocks."

"So she is." Remus agreed.

Sirius nodded. "Anyway, we should probably—oh hell. Lily'll be in there now and we never called James!"

"Well call him now you buggering dog!"

Sirius looked forlorn. "But she'll be sitting down by now. There's not use."

Remus let out a loud sigh, rubbing his forehead in frustration. "Prongs is going to murder us…"

"Probably," said Sirius, "But in the meantime, why don't we watch the show and show no pity for his sorry arse?"

Remus opened his mouth to argue, but Sirius covered it with his hand and hauled him bodily to the window of the most expensive French restaurant in Great Britain.

James Potter was fiddling with his shirt. He had been for the last 30 minutes, actually, and still no word from Padfoot or Moony. It was so unusual for Lily to be late… She was always so punctual.

James played with the hem of his shirt for five minutes. Then he messed around with his hair for five minutes, even though it sprang back into the same manner of untamed disarray. James tied and untied his shoes for a grand total of 10 minutes, and then sat down on his chair and hummed a Beatles song. Curse Mary and her love of muggle music… _Love is all you need. _

James had been sitting in the back room of the most expensive French restaurant in Great Britain for 25 more minutes, until he finally looked out the window in the door and to his horror saw Lily, resting her head in her hands. How long had she been here?

James made a mental list of ways to kill his so-called best mates.

"M'am? You've been here an hour, are you _sure _your friend is coming?" asked the waiter to Lily Evans. Lily sighed and lifted her head. "You know what, I think I'll just go. I'm sure he… forgot." Only Lily wasn't sure, because when had James ever missed one of their dates? Lily sighed again, glancing around, and then standing up. There was only so much waiting a girl could do.

"Excellent! I'll go and fetch your coat for you, you can leave the tip on the table."

Lily grit her teeth as the waiter walked away. She hadn't eaten anything, why should she give a tip? Sodding _French_…

Someone tapped Lily on the shoulder and she turned around to see a fancy looking man in a black silk suit. He had a top hat on, and was holding out a crystal ball. "I'm going to tell you your future." He told her, and Lily quirked an eyebrow.

"If I have to pay then sod it. I don't want my future told." She said, but the man laughed a deep throaty laugh and waggled his finger. "I've already been paid, silly girl! Now…" he looked into the ball and then looked shocked and happy, although it looked fake. "My, my. You are going to live a long and happy life together, that's for sure. Produce many little babies, and live in a gorgeous house by the beach, utterly infatuated with each other. Your love will never fade, no, it will live on and on and—

"Are you reading off cue cards, sir?"

"Well, I wasn't going to memorize the whole bloody sermon now was I?" the man looked affronted. Lily rolled her eyes. "It's not called fortune telling if you already have the fortune written by someone else on _cue cards_." She pointed out. The man huffed and then threw the cards at her.

"I wasn't paid to argue about the subtle art that is fortune telling, with a silly ignorant little girl!"

"Before you go, I should tell you that I'm the wrong girl. There's no one else here, as I hope you can see." Said Lily, but the man sighed loudly at her. "What other girl do _you _see who has bright red hair? Hmm?"

"Well, I just don't know how you can—

"Excuse me, miss?" said a voice from behind her, and she turned around. There was another man, although considerably younger, and wearing a tuxedo. She huffed. "What _now?_"

"I'm supposed to sing to you."

"Well I didn't bloody well pay for you to sing to me so go and stuff it!"

The man shook his head in annoyance. "We've _already _been paid."

"Yes, you both said that, but by whom?" she demanded, and the two men shared a knowing glance. Neither answered.

"_Lay your head on my chest so you hear every beat of my heart_

_Now there's nothing at all that can keep us apart_

_Touch my lips, close your eyes and see with your fingertips_

_Things that you do, and you know I'm crazy 'bout you…" _sang the younger man, holding his hand to his heart and belting out the Abba song. Lily bit her lip. "Umm..."

"_Kisses of fire, burning, burning_

_I'm at the point of no returning_

_Kisses of fire, sweet devotions_

_Caught in a landslide of emotions…" _the man sang on, and by this point Lily held out her hand for him to stop and he trailed off. "What? I was paid to sing this song and I'm going to sing it you barmy girl!"

Lily tried to cover his mouth but he ran away, running up to the front of the room and pointing at her so that everyone turned around to look at her. He smiled.

"_I've had my share of love affairs but they were nothing compared to this_

_Oh, I'm riding higher than the sky and there is fire in every kiss_

_Kisses of fire_

_Kisses of fire…" _

"Merlin's beard will you stop singing!" she shouted, but was drowned out by his voice, suddenly magnified as he touched his wand to his throat.

"_When you sleep by my side I feel safe and I know I belong_

_Still it's making me scared that my love is so strong_

_Losing you is a nightmare fate and to me it's new_

_Never before did you see me begging for more…"_

"I'M LEAVING!"

"Miss, your coat—

"Oh, sod the coat! It was a cheap coat anyway!" she yelled, stomping towards the door, but five young ladies in pink silk Charleston dresses and tap shoes blocked her way. Lily raised her hands to the air in exasperation. "Oh, _wonderful_! Dancers! You know, if you _dare _dance for me, I am going to take your stupid garter belts and tie them around—

"Lily!" called a voice behind her and she spun around, knocking into someone. They toppled over and… His hand was on her boob. _Her boob_. "Raaaaape!" she screamed, "Raaaaaaaaaaape!" Lily kicked out, closing her eyes in concentration as she tried to get free. The man let her go and she fell forward.

"Lily I—

Lily wasn't looking she was running for the door, but she turned around when she heard the sound of someone falling to the ground. The rape man was face down on the ground and the waiter, holding her coat was standing over him, fist out. He had punched him. The man rolled over and…

"James? What the sodding—

"M'am? We're going to take him to the police station."

Lily, on a normal day would have protested, but she didn't. He had forgotten about her, after all. "Fine." She said.

Sirius decided that now would be a good time to step in, so he grabbed Remus's jacket and hauled the protesting werewolf to the door.

"Hold it, hold it!" shouted Sirius when he opened the door dramatically and stepped inside. "What seems to be the problem here?"

"Sir, it's really none of your business. I'm going to ask you and your friend to leave now." Said the waiter, and Sirius looked mock surprised.

"Really? Are you now? Well you know what, I've always hated your snooty language, and food and wine, in fact it sucks bollocks and—

"My friend has tourettes!" interjected Remus quickly, cutting Sirius off.

"Manky Gormless arsehole." Said Sirius, to prove the point. Remus flicked his arm.

"Oi! Don't touch me you sodding codger!"

"Shut _up_."

"Don't tell me to shut it, pikey piss-artist!"

"You don't _really _have tourettes, you naff!"

"Oh, yeah. Right. Well, ta for that, eh?"

Remus slapped his face with his hand, and wondered _why _Sirius was such an idiot. "Sir," he said to the waiter, "I am actually a police officer. I'm off duty. I could take the offender to the station if that would help?"

The waiter nodded. "That _would _help, actually. Is your car outside, officer…?"

"Lupin." Provided Remus, "And no, it's at home. I walked you see, I live just 10 minutes away and—

"Well I'll need _some _identification, sir."

"Yes, yes of course. Hang on just a second—

Sirius looked like a light bulb had appeared over his head. "He could show you his nifty police badge!"

Remus mentally smacked his head and thought of ways to maim Sirius.

The waiter nodded. "Yes, that would do sir. Could you show us your badge?"

It's… It's… not on me right now?"

The waiter smiled cruelly. "I _see_. Well, why don't you _all _just come along? I'm sure the _real _police will be excited to do something."

Remus grimaced and Sirius sighed dejectedly. "Fine."

They were all in the waiter's car, and James was feeling sick.

"Lily… Lily, are you _honestly _going to file a report against me for sexual harassment?"

Lily didn't look up. "I waited for over an hour for you."

James grit his teeth together, and glared at Sirius and Remus. "_That's _not my fault." He said nastily, but then realized how that sounded and back-pedaled. "I mean, that came out wrong—

"No, I get it Potter. I'm a low priority."

James looked aghast. "How can you think that? You're my everything, you're my—

"Save it. I don't want excuses."

At the station, James was fingering the little velvet engagement ring box in his pocket. He felt like screaming. Finally, he plucked up the courage and grabbed Lily's hand.

"Lily, I'm _really _sorry about tonight. I was in the back, waiting for you and then—

"Excuses, Potter. Excuses."

"No, listen. Just hear me out. I waiting for you in the backroom, but Sirius never told me when you arrived, so I kept on waiting. After an hour, I looked out and I saw you leaving so I panicked and sent out the fortune teller, and singer and dancers—

"Why the bloody hell did you book them anyway?"

"That was only half of it, but it doesn't really matter." Said James, sadly. "Tonight was supposed to be perfect but I royally cocked it all up."

Lily looked into his hazel eyes and her gaze softened. "What was the occasion? It wasn't an anniversary, or a birthday…"

James gulped nervously. "Well I was going to ask you to… to… well… oh bloody hell! Sod it all!"

James was on his knee and he brought out the velvet box, opening it. Lily gasped, seeming to forget that she was mad when she saw the sparkling diamond ring.

"James Potter are you about to—

"Shh, Lily!" James protested. He was sweating with nervousness. Lily quieted, and James took a deep breath. He couldn't believe he was actually going to do this, at a police station after midnight.

"Lily Evangeline Evans, will you marry me?" he asked finally, a hopeful glint in his eye.

Lily seemed lost for words. "I… I… All of that… Was for me? All that nonsense, the expensive restaurant, the fortune teller, the Abba song, the dancers and god knows what else?"

"Of course." Said James.

"Just so you could ask me to marry you?"

"Yes…"

"Oh James! You didn't have to, I would have been happy with cheap Chinese food, but of course you would, always the melodramatic sort—

"Lily?" said James, loosening his collar, as he was so hot in the face, "You never answered the question you know."

"Oh. Right. Ha. Well, I guess then my answer will have to be a…" she paused for effect and James squirmed slightly, "Yes!"

"Oh thank Merlin!" burst out Sirius, making them jump. He had been standing behind James's chair the whole time. "I can live!"

James flicked Sirius's wrist with quite a lot of force. "I wouldn't get your hopes up too high, mucker."


End file.
